Play it Forward
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A family friend was moved into a "no-frills" memory care unit in a nursing home in 2018.
What Russ had loved most -- other than his three daughters who lived far away -- was music. Unfortunately for where he was living, there was nearly no budget for music and nearly no music for him to look forward to.
Something similar happened to our mother 2 years later. In her case, there was occasional music, but it wasn't very engaging. A musician would show up, play, collect a check, and leave.
My middle daughter and I decided to create a musical duo ("Classic Generations" - saxophone and vocalist) to provide free, upbeat entertainment to retirement home memory care units as a way to honor our late mother.
After four years of doing this, we realized two things:
1. We improved as musicians and especially as entertainers.
2. We realized that creating a connection was more important than musical perfection. Many residents would rather have a B-level musician who was genuinely interested in connecting with them than to have an A-level musician who "played a gig" and left. As one Activity Director recently told us, "Connection beats perfection."
1. We improved as musicians and especially as entertainers.
2. We realized that creating a connection was more important than musical perfection. Many residents would rather have a B-level musician who was genuinely interested in connecting with them than to have an A-level musician who "played a gig" and left. As one Activity Director recently told us, "Connection beats perfection."
TOP 10 STUDENT QUESTIONS: NURSING HOME PERFORMANCES
1. "Won't it be really sad and depressing?"No—it's actually joyful and uplifting because you're bringing happiness to people who light up when they hear music they love. Most students are surprised by how fun it is and want to go back.
2. "What if I mess up or make mistakes?"They won't notice or care—these are the most forgiving audiences you'll ever have who are just grateful you showed up. Unlike contest judges, they care that you're there playing music they love, not whether every note is perfect.
3. "I don't know how to talk to old people. What do I say?"You don't have to say much—just smile, make eye contact during the performance, and if residents want to chat afterward, a simple "Hi, I hope you enjoyed the music!" is enough. Most of the time they'll do the talking and tell you interesting stories.
4. "What if someone dies or has a medical emergency?"Staff handle everything medical—it's never your responsibility, and nurses are always present. Medical emergencies during performances are extremely rare, and if anything happens, you just keep playing softly while trained staff take care of it.
5. "Do I have to touch people or get really close to them?"No—you'll be several feet away during the performance, and afterward any physical contact like handshakes is completely optional. You can smile and wave from a comfortable distance, and nobody will be offended.
6. "What should I wear?"Dress nicely (business casual or concert dress) because many residents will dress up for your performance, and it shows respect that you think they're worth dressing up for. Avoid jeans, t-shirts, athletic wear, or anything wrinkled or too casual.
7. "What if no one seems to be paying attention?"They probably are—they just show engagement differently than you're used to (closed eyes means deep listening, not sleeping; limited clapping is often due to arthritis). Staff often report afterward that residents loved it and talked about your performance for days, even when their response seemed subtle.
8. "How hard is the music? Do I need to be really good?"If you can play 15-20 songs reasonably well, you're ready—the music is usually simpler than your contest pieces. What matters more than technical perfection is playing expressively with warmth and genuine engagement.
9. "Will this take a lot of time?"One performance is only 2.5-3 hours total including travel, and you'll probably only do 2-4 per year. That's less time than you spend on your phone in a week, and unlike scrolling TikTok, you'll actually remember this years from now.
10. "What if I feel awkward or uncomfortable?"Almost every student feels nervous beforehand, but most are surprised by how natural and rewarding it feels once they start. Try it once—if you really hate it you can talk to your teacher, but most students who resist initially end up asking to go back.
"Why should I? What's in it for me?"You'll discover why music actually matters beyond grades and ratings—watching someone with Alzheimer's sing every word of a song they "can't remember" or seeing a lonely resident cry tears of joy shows you that your musical skills have real power to change lives. Plus, you get a distinctive college application story, service hours, real-world performance experience, and you'll remember this long after you've forgotten your chair placement.
"Will this make me a better musician?"Yes—you'll learn to read audiences, adapt to unexpected situations, perform with genuine emotion instead of just technical accuracy, and build confidence in a low-pressure setting where connection matters more than perfection. You'll also expand your repertoire into jazz standards and classics that make you more versatile, and you'll understand music's purpose in a way that makes all your other performances more meaningful.
"How can I get my teacher to do this?"Show them this guide, tell them you're interested in service and real-world performance experience, and offer to help organize it (research facilities, contact Activities Directors, help plan logistics). If several students express interest together, that makes it even more likely your teacher will try it—they need to know students actually want this, not just that it's another thing being forced on you.
"Can I do this myself or with a friend without my school?"Absolutely yes—call a nearby assisted living facility yourself, say you're a student musician who'd like to volunteer to perform for 30-45 minutes, and ask to speak with the Activities Director. Solo or small friend groups (2-4 musicians) are often easier to schedule than full ensembles, you can do it on weekends, and you'll gain independence, leadership experience, and something powerful for college applications that shows initiative beyond school requirements.
Bottom line: It's easier, more fun, and more meaningful than you think. Give it a chance.
1. "Won't it be really sad and depressing?"No—it's actually joyful and uplifting because you're bringing happiness to people who light up when they hear music they love. Most students are surprised by how fun it is and want to go back.
2. "What if I mess up or make mistakes?"They won't notice or care—these are the most forgiving audiences you'll ever have who are just grateful you showed up. Unlike contest judges, they care that you're there playing music they love, not whether every note is perfect.
3. "I don't know how to talk to old people. What do I say?"You don't have to say much—just smile, make eye contact during the performance, and if residents want to chat afterward, a simple "Hi, I hope you enjoyed the music!" is enough. Most of the time they'll do the talking and tell you interesting stories.
4. "What if someone dies or has a medical emergency?"Staff handle everything medical—it's never your responsibility, and nurses are always present. Medical emergencies during performances are extremely rare, and if anything happens, you just keep playing softly while trained staff take care of it.
5. "Do I have to touch people or get really close to them?"No—you'll be several feet away during the performance, and afterward any physical contact like handshakes is completely optional. You can smile and wave from a comfortable distance, and nobody will be offended.
6. "What should I wear?"Dress nicely (business casual or concert dress) because many residents will dress up for your performance, and it shows respect that you think they're worth dressing up for. Avoid jeans, t-shirts, athletic wear, or anything wrinkled or too casual.
7. "What if no one seems to be paying attention?"They probably are—they just show engagement differently than you're used to (closed eyes means deep listening, not sleeping; limited clapping is often due to arthritis). Staff often report afterward that residents loved it and talked about your performance for days, even when their response seemed subtle.
8. "How hard is the music? Do I need to be really good?"If you can play 15-20 songs reasonably well, you're ready—the music is usually simpler than your contest pieces. What matters more than technical perfection is playing expressively with warmth and genuine engagement.
9. "Will this take a lot of time?"One performance is only 2.5-3 hours total including travel, and you'll probably only do 2-4 per year. That's less time than you spend on your phone in a week, and unlike scrolling TikTok, you'll actually remember this years from now.
10. "What if I feel awkward or uncomfortable?"Almost every student feels nervous beforehand, but most are surprised by how natural and rewarding it feels once they start. Try it once—if you really hate it you can talk to your teacher, but most students who resist initially end up asking to go back.
"Why should I? What's in it for me?"You'll discover why music actually matters beyond grades and ratings—watching someone with Alzheimer's sing every word of a song they "can't remember" or seeing a lonely resident cry tears of joy shows you that your musical skills have real power to change lives. Plus, you get a distinctive college application story, service hours, real-world performance experience, and you'll remember this long after you've forgotten your chair placement.
"Will this make me a better musician?"Yes—you'll learn to read audiences, adapt to unexpected situations, perform with genuine emotion instead of just technical accuracy, and build confidence in a low-pressure setting where connection matters more than perfection. You'll also expand your repertoire into jazz standards and classics that make you more versatile, and you'll understand music's purpose in a way that makes all your other performances more meaningful.
"How can I get my teacher to do this?"Show them this guide, tell them you're interested in service and real-world performance experience, and offer to help organize it (research facilities, contact Activities Directors, help plan logistics). If several students express interest together, that makes it even more likely your teacher will try it—they need to know students actually want this, not just that it's another thing being forced on you.
"Can I do this myself or with a friend without my school?"Absolutely yes—call a nearby assisted living facility yourself, say you're a student musician who'd like to volunteer to perform for 30-45 minutes, and ask to speak with the Activities Director. Solo or small friend groups (2-4 musicians) are often easier to schedule than full ensembles, you can do it on weekends, and you'll gain independence, leadership experience, and something powerful for college applications that shows initiative beyond school requirements.
Bottom line: It's easier, more fun, and more meaningful than you think. Give it a chance.
"Connection beats Perfection"
We recently started encouraging and coaching other musicians to also volunteer to play shows for memory care units. Many excellent musicians don't think they're good enough to play out as a solo act or duo -- but they're more than good enough.
If you have a heart that wants to connect with a nursing home audience, let us help you. We've put together tip sheets, sample set lists, fliers, template letters, and sample demos of various entertainers who can give you ideas of what you might want to do.
"A Rewarding Win-Win Experience"
TOP 10 FAQs FOR STUDENTS THINKING OF PLAYING IN NURSING HOMES
1. "Won't it be really sad and depressing?"Short answer: No—it's actually usually joyful and uplifting!
The real deal: Most students expect nursing homes to be depressing places full of sadness. The reality surprises them. You're not going to watch people suffering—you're going to watch people light up with joy when they hear music they love.
Yes, you'll see people who are elderly and some who have health challenges. But what you'll mostly see are smiles, people singing along, tapping their feet, and sometimes even dancing in their wheelchairs. You'll see a 90-year-old man tell jokes between songs. You'll watch a woman with Alzheimer's suddenly remember every word of a song from 1955.
What students actually say afterward:
2. "What if I mess up or make mistakes?"Short answer: They won't notice or care. These are the most forgiving audiences you'll ever have.
The real deal: Nursing home audiences aren't like contest judges or critical concert audiences. They're not listening for perfect intonation, precise rhythms, or flawless technique. They're just happy you showed up and are playing music they love.
If you:
Bottom line: This is actually a GREAT place to build confidence precisely because the pressure is so low. You can't really mess up badly enough that it matters.
3. "I don't know how to talk to old people. What do I say?"Short answer: You don't have to say much. A smile and "hello" is enough.
The real deal: This is one of the most common fears, and it's totally understandable if you don't spend much time around elderly people. Good news: there's zero pressure to have long conversations.
What's expected of you:
Good things to say:
What NOT to say/do:
Bottom line: You're not required to be a great conversationalist. You're required to be polite and kind. You already know how to do that.
4. "What if someone dies or has a medical emergency while we're there?"Short answer: Staff handle everything. It's never your responsibility.
The real deal: This worry makes sense—you're in a healthcare facility where people are elderly and some have serious health issues. But here's what you need to know:
Medical situations are handled by trained staff:
What's more likely:
Bottom line: Staff are there specifically to handle health situations. You're there to play music. Those roles don't overlap. You're safe, and you're not responsible for residents' medical care.
5. "Do I have to touch people or get really close to them?"Short answer: No. You control your personal space.
The real deal: Some students worry about physical contact—maybe because they're not used to elderly people, maybe because of germs, maybe just because they're not huggers. All of that is okay.
What's actually expected:
About wheelchairs, walkers, and medical equipment:
6. "What should I wear? Will I look stupid if I'm dressed up?"Short answer: Dress nicely—you'll fit right in, and it shows respect.
The real deal: Many residents dress up for your performance. They put on their nice clothes, do their hair, maybe put on jewelry. They're treating your performance as a special event. You should too.
Good choices:
What students worry: "Will I be overdressed compared to other people my age?" Answer: You won't see other people your age there. And you're not dressing to impress your peers—you're dressing to honor your audience.
What actually happens: Residents often compliment students on how nice they look. "You all look so sharp!" "What handsome young men!" "Such beautiful young ladies!" They appreciate the effort.
Pro tip: "I thought wearing a tie would be weird. Then one of the residents told me I reminded him of his grandson who's in college, and he was so proud. I realized dressing nicely made them feel like this was an important event worth attending."
Bottom line: Dress like this matters. Because it does.
7. "What if no one seems to be paying attention or enjoying it?"Short answer: They probably are—they just might not show it the way you're used to.
The real deal: You're used to audiences that clap enthusiastically, sit up straight, make eye contact. Nursing home audiences are different, and you need to read engagement differently.
Signs they ARE engaged (even if it doesn't look like it):
Physical limitations mean:
The feedback might come later: Sometimes residents don't respond during the performance but tell staff afterward how much they loved it.
Pro tip from experienced student: "I thought we were bombing because people weren't clapping much and a few people had their eyes closed. Then at the end, this woman who looked like she'd been sleeping the whole time opened her eyes and said, 'That was the most beautiful thing I've heard in years.' I realized you can't judge by normal concert standards."
Bottom line: Trust that your music is reaching them, even when the response looks different than you expect.
8. "How hard is the music? Do I need to be really good?"Short answer: If you can play 15-20 songs reasonably well, you're ready.
The real deal: You don't need to be first chair or all-state level. You need to be competent at your instrument and comfortable with basic repertoire.
Skill level required:
You're probably ready if you can:
If you're worried you're not good enough: Ask your director. They'll tell you honestly. But chances are, if they're taking your ensemble, you're ready.
Bottom line: Technical perfection isn't required. Solid musicianship and genuine warmth are what matter.
9. "Will this take a lot of time? I'm already really busy."Short answer: One performance = 2-3 hours total, including travel.
The real deal: Let's break down the actual time commitment:
For ONE nursing home performance:
Preparation (if learning new music):
How often will you go? Most programs do:
Bottom line: This takes less time than you think, and unlike most things you're busy with, you'll actually remember this years from now.
10. "What if I feel awkward or uncomfortable? Can I just not go?"Short answer: Feeling nervous is normal. But you should try it—most students are glad they did.
The real deal: Almost EVERY student feels nervous or uncertain before their first nursing home performance. Those feelings are completely valid. But here's what tends to happen:
What students worry about beforehand:
If you're genuinely uncomfortable:
You CAN:
If your teacher requires this, there's a reason. Ask yourself:
What students say looking back: "I really didn't want to go. I thought I'd hate it. It ended up being one of my favorite memories from high school. I'm so glad I didn't skip it."
"I was scared the whole bus ride there. Five minutes into the performance, I forgot to be scared. I was just enjoying making music for people who really appreciated it."
Bottom line: It's okay to feel nervous. It's not okay to let that nervousness keep you from an experience that could change how you think about music, service, and connecting with people different from you. Try it once. Then decide.
BONUS: "Why should I care about doing this?"Because ten years from now:
You won't remember:
That's worth 3 hours of your time.
FINAL THOUGHTSEvery single concern on this list is legitimate. Every fear is understandable. Every question deserves an honest answer.
And here's the honest answer to all of them:
This will probably be one of the most meaningful things you do all year.
Not because it's perfect. Not because it's easy. But because it's real.
You'll perform for people who genuinely need and want your music. You'll see immediate impact. You'll discover that your skills—which sometimes feel like just another school requirement—actually have power to change someone's day.
Most students don't expect to love it. But they do.
Give it a chance. Go once. See what happens.
You might just discover why you fell in love with music in the first place.
Questions? Concerns? Talk to your teacher. They've done this before. They know what you're feeling. And they believe you can do this.
Because you can.
1. "Won't it be really sad and depressing?"Short answer: No—it's actually usually joyful and uplifting!
The real deal: Most students expect nursing homes to be depressing places full of sadness. The reality surprises them. You're not going to watch people suffering—you're going to watch people light up with joy when they hear music they love.
Yes, you'll see people who are elderly and some who have health challenges. But what you'll mostly see are smiles, people singing along, tapping their feet, and sometimes even dancing in their wheelchairs. You'll see a 90-year-old man tell jokes between songs. You'll watch a woman with Alzheimer's suddenly remember every word of a song from 1955.
What students actually say afterward:
- "I thought it would be sad, but I left feeling really happy"
- "The residents were so grateful—it made me feel great"
- "It was way more fun than I expected"
- "Seeing them so happy made me want to go back"
2. "What if I mess up or make mistakes?"Short answer: They won't notice or care. These are the most forgiving audiences you'll ever have.
The real deal: Nursing home audiences aren't like contest judges or critical concert audiences. They're not listening for perfect intonation, precise rhythms, or flawless technique. They're just happy you showed up and are playing music they love.
If you:
- Miss a note → They don't notice
- Come in early → They don't care
- Forget your part briefly → They can't tell
- Your reed squeaks → They think it's part of the song
- You have to start over → They're just glad to hear it again
- That you came
- That you're playing familiar music
- That you smile and seem happy to be there
- That you put in effort
Bottom line: This is actually a GREAT place to build confidence precisely because the pressure is so low. You can't really mess up badly enough that it matters.
3. "I don't know how to talk to old people. What do I say?"Short answer: You don't have to say much. A smile and "hello" is enough.
The real deal: This is one of the most common fears, and it's totally understandable if you don't spend much time around elderly people. Good news: there's zero pressure to have long conversations.
What's expected of you:
- During the performance: Just perform. Make eye contact. Smile. That's it.
- Before/after (optional): If residents want to chat, you can. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to.
Good things to say:
- "Hi, I'm [name]. I hope you enjoy the music!"
- "Did you have a favorite song today?"
- "Thank you for listening!"
- "Have you heard this kind of music before?"
- Stories about their lives
- How they used to dance to these songs
- About when they saw Frank Sinatra perform
- About their own musical experience
- How much they enjoyed your performance
What NOT to say/do:
- Don't talk really slowly or loudly unless they ask (many are sharp as ever)
- Don't call them "sweetie" or "honey" (some find it condescending)
- Don't ask about their health problems
- Don't talk down to them like they're children
Bottom line: You're not required to be a great conversationalist. You're required to be polite and kind. You already know how to do that.
4. "What if someone dies or has a medical emergency while we're there?"Short answer: Staff handle everything. It's never your responsibility.
The real deal: This worry makes sense—you're in a healthcare facility where people are elderly and some have serious health issues. But here's what you need to know:
Medical situations are handled by trained staff:
- Nurses and aides are always present
- They're trained for emergencies
- They know each resident's health status
- They'll take over immediately if anything happens
- Keep playing softly (or pause if staff asks)
- Stay calm
- Let the staff work
- Continue when they give you the okay
What's more likely:
- Someone needs to use the bathroom (staff help them leave)
- Someone gets tired and goes back to their room (totally normal)
- Someone's blood pressure needs checking (staff do it quickly during performance)
Bottom line: Staff are there specifically to handle health situations. You're there to play music. Those roles don't overlap. You're safe, and you're not responsible for residents' medical care.
5. "Do I have to touch people or get really close to them?"Short answer: No. You control your personal space.
The real deal: Some students worry about physical contact—maybe because they're not used to elderly people, maybe because of germs, maybe just because they're not huggers. All of that is okay.
What's actually expected:
- During performance: You'll be several feet away from the audience. No physical contact.
- After performance: Some residents might want to shake your hand or give you a high-five. This is totally optional for you.
- Smile and wave instead of shaking hands
- Say "thank you" from a few feet away
- Stay with your group and not mingle individually
- Pack up your instrument as your "excuse" to not socialize
- Don't hug residents who offer
- Keep a comfortable distance
- Choose not to shake hands (you can say "I'm getting over a cold—don't want to share germs!")
About wheelchairs, walkers, and medical equipment:
- Don't touch anyone's wheelchair or walker without permission (it's like touching someone's body—that's their mobility device)
- Don't touch oxygen tanks or medical equipment
- If someone asks you to help with something medical (adjusting their oxygen, moving their wheelchair), politely get a staff member: "Let me find a nurse to help you with that!"
6. "What should I wear? Will I look stupid if I'm dressed up?"Short answer: Dress nicely—you'll fit right in, and it shows respect.
The real deal: Many residents dress up for your performance. They put on their nice clothes, do their hair, maybe put on jewelry. They're treating your performance as a special event. You should too.
Good choices:
- Concert dress (if that's what your group wears)
- Business casual: Nice pants/skirt, button-up shirt or blouse, dress shoes
- All black (if that's your ensemble's thing)
- Neat, clean, pressed clothing
- Jeans (even nice ones)
- T-shirts with graphics
- Athletic wear
- Flip-flops or sandals
- Anything ripped, stained, or wrinkled
- Clothing that's too revealing
What students worry: "Will I be overdressed compared to other people my age?" Answer: You won't see other people your age there. And you're not dressing to impress your peers—you're dressing to honor your audience.
What actually happens: Residents often compliment students on how nice they look. "You all look so sharp!" "What handsome young men!" "Such beautiful young ladies!" They appreciate the effort.
Pro tip: "I thought wearing a tie would be weird. Then one of the residents told me I reminded him of his grandson who's in college, and he was so proud. I realized dressing nicely made them feel like this was an important event worth attending."
Bottom line: Dress like this matters. Because it does.
7. "What if no one seems to be paying attention or enjoying it?"Short answer: They probably are—they just might not show it the way you're used to.
The real deal: You're used to audiences that clap enthusiastically, sit up straight, make eye contact. Nursing home audiences are different, and you need to read engagement differently.
Signs they ARE engaged (even if it doesn't look like it):
Physical limitations mean:
- They might not clap (arthritis, limited mobility)
- They might not sit up straight (wheelchair, fatigue)
- They might close their eyes (deeply listening, not sleeping)
- They might not smile constantly (resting face, concentration)
- Eyes closed, gently swaying
- Foot tapping or finger drumming
- Humming or singing along (even off-key)
- Mouthing the words
- Leaning slightly forward
- Still, focused attention
- Tears (often tears of joy or nostalgia)
- Someone sleeping: They might be exhausted but wanted to be there. Or they might be listening with eyes closed.
- Someone leaving: They might need the bathroom, have a medication schedule, or just have limited stamina. It's not about your music.
- Blank stares: Some people with dementia are deeply engaged even when they look disconnected.
- Talking during songs: Sometimes they're singing along in their own way, or telling a memory the music triggered.
The feedback might come later: Sometimes residents don't respond during the performance but tell staff afterward how much they loved it.
Pro tip from experienced student: "I thought we were bombing because people weren't clapping much and a few people had their eyes closed. Then at the end, this woman who looked like she'd been sleeping the whole time opened her eyes and said, 'That was the most beautiful thing I've heard in years.' I realized you can't judge by normal concert standards."
Bottom line: Trust that your music is reaching them, even when the response looks different than you expect.
8. "How hard is the music? Do I need to be really good?"Short answer: If you can play 15-20 songs reasonably well, you're ready.
The real deal: You don't need to be first chair or all-state level. You need to be competent at your instrument and comfortable with basic repertoire.
Skill level required:
You're probably ready if you can:
- Play through songs with only occasional mistakes
- Perform from memory or read music fluently
- Play or sing in tune most of the time
- Keep steady tempo
- Perform 15-20 pieces without major issues
- In an intermediate or advanced ensemble
- Playing jazz band, concert band, or choir repertoire
- Comfortable performing in public
- Second year or beyond on your instrument
- Jazz standards: Moderate difficulty, straightforward progressions
- Folk songs: Usually quite simple
- Pop classics: Easier than classical repertoire
- Show tunes: Accessible melodies
- Knowing the music well (memorized is ideal)
- Playing expressively (with feeling, not just notes)
- Confidence in performance
- Warm stage presence
If you're worried you're not good enough: Ask your director. They'll tell you honestly. But chances are, if they're taking your ensemble, you're ready.
Bottom line: Technical perfection isn't required. Solid musicianship and genuine warmth are what matter.
9. "Will this take a lot of time? I'm already really busy."Short answer: One performance = 2-3 hours total, including travel.
The real deal: Let's break down the actual time commitment:
For ONE nursing home performance:
Preparation (if learning new music):
- Learning 5-10 period-appropriate songs: 2-4 hours of practice (spread over weeks)
- If you're playing music you already know: 0 additional hours
- In-class preparation/discussion: 30-45 minutes (one rehearsal)
- Getting to school/ready: 30 minutes
- Travel to facility: 15-30 minutes (usually nearby)
- Setup: 15-20 minutes
- Performance: 45-60 minutes
- Pack up and chat: 15-20 minutes
- Travel back: 15-30 minutes
- Total: 2.5-3 hours
- Written reflection: 30-60 minutes (usually for a grade)
How often will you go? Most programs do:
- 2-4 performances per year
- Usually NOT during busy contest season
- Scheduled well in advance (you know it's coming)
- 8-12 hours total for nursing home performances
- That's less time than you spend on your phone in a week
- One nursing home performance (3 hours) vs.
- One football game (3-4 hours)
- One shift at a part-time job (4-6 hours)
- Binge-watching a show (3+ hours easily)
- Scrolling TikTok all week (probably 10+ hours)
Bottom line: This takes less time than you think, and unlike most things you're busy with, you'll actually remember this years from now.
10. "What if I feel awkward or uncomfortable? Can I just not go?"Short answer: Feeling nervous is normal. But you should try it—most students are glad they did.
The real deal: Almost EVERY student feels nervous or uncertain before their first nursing home performance. Those feelings are completely valid. But here's what tends to happen:
What students worry about beforehand:
- "I'll feel uncomfortable around old people"
- "I won't know what to say"
- "It'll be sad and I'll get upset"
- "I'll see things that scare me"
- "I won't know how to act"
- "It'll be awkward"
- "It was way less awkward than I expected"
- "The residents were so nice and grateful"
- "I felt good after—like I'd done something that mattered"
- "It wasn't scary at all"
- "I actually want to go back"
If you're genuinely uncomfortable:
You CAN:
- Tell your teacher about specific concerns (they can address them)
- Ask questions beforehand (get more information)
- Bring a friend for moral support
- Start with a shorter, easier performance (assisted living vs. memory care)
- Skip it without trying (most students regret not going when they hear their friends' stories)
- Let fear of the unknown keep you from an experience that could be transformative
- Miss the chance to discover something meaningful about music and service
If your teacher requires this, there's a reason. Ask yourself:
- What specifically makes me uncomfortable?
- Is it fear of the unknown, or something deeper?
- Would trying it once actually harm me?
- Am I willing to challenge myself?
- Serious health anxiety or trauma around medical settings
- Recent loss of elderly loved one (grief that's too fresh)
- Genuine phobia that causes panic attacks
- Specific health vulnerability
What students say looking back: "I really didn't want to go. I thought I'd hate it. It ended up being one of my favorite memories from high school. I'm so glad I didn't skip it."
"I was scared the whole bus ride there. Five minutes into the performance, I forgot to be scared. I was just enjoying making music for people who really appreciated it."
Bottom line: It's okay to feel nervous. It's not okay to let that nervousness keep you from an experience that could change how you think about music, service, and connecting with people different from you. Try it once. Then decide.
BONUS: "Why should I care about doing this?"Because ten years from now:
You won't remember:
- Your chair placement
- Your contest rating
- That one rehearsal where you nailed your part
- Most of the scales you practiced
- The veteran who told you stories after you played "God Bless America"
- The woman who cried during "What a Wonderful World"
- How it felt to realize your music actually mattered to someone
- The day you understood why you play music in the first place
That's worth 3 hours of your time.
FINAL THOUGHTSEvery single concern on this list is legitimate. Every fear is understandable. Every question deserves an honest answer.
And here's the honest answer to all of them:
This will probably be one of the most meaningful things you do all year.
Not because it's perfect. Not because it's easy. But because it's real.
You'll perform for people who genuinely need and want your music. You'll see immediate impact. You'll discover that your skills—which sometimes feel like just another school requirement—actually have power to change someone's day.
Most students don't expect to love it. But they do.
Give it a chance. Go once. See what happens.
You might just discover why you fell in love with music in the first place.
Questions? Concerns? Talk to your teacher. They've done this before. They know what you're feeling. And they believe you can do this.
Because you can.
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This example shows that a performance can be simple and easy
Here is an annotated example of how to make a set list . . .
Here's an annotated example of a flier you can create for nursing homes . . .
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